What does being authentic mean to you?

Recently I wrote about coaching someone who wants to be able to express herself spontaneously and authentically instead of trying to please others.

Later, I read an email article by Sari Azout on Messy desks and perfection and below is the response I wrote to her.

Dear Sari,

'What does being authentic mean' has been on my mind recently.

I have found it be a process of discovery and de-layering within. Perhaps being authentic is more of a process rather than an outcome. I have found it to be intertwined with self-knowledge and an intimacy with myself.

Self-censoring and inhibited expression

Around a decade or more ago, I used to think that having clear opinions and being consistent in my behaviors and beliefs was being authentic. And to be graceful in my expression.

A big part of it was based on how I will be viewed by others, so much so that I didn't even show my 'lesser' side to myself. Negative thoughts or lesser behaviors like jealousy were 'not allowed' within me. I was calm and kind outwardly but there was an undercurrent of sadness and fear.

A crisis and authentic expression

Around 5 years ago, a relationship crises brought me to a turning point - I could continue to be who I was or I could learn how to live better. I started joining a support group and that was the first place where I learned what being authentic could mean. 

I learned to express myself just as I felt in the moment - messy, angry, afraid, nervous, happy, sad, judgmental. No one judged me or told me to be any different. I too let others be themselves without trying to correct or fix them.

This compassionate witnessing was the beginning of emotional intimacy with myself. And a big step towards authenticity.

Embodiment and self-knowledge

Around 2 years ago, I started working with embodiment/somatic healing. And this process of being aware of the sensations in my body has uncovered an wonderful aspect of authenticity/intimacy with myself. And now I am an embodiment coach.

I now see that a big part of authenticity is just acknowledging all that is alive within my body at a moment. And just leaning into the constellation of sensations that is ever changing within me - constrictions, spaciousness, tingling... without judgement of whether it is pleasant/unpleasant/good/bad, it just is - acceptance and surrender to reality.

And when I act or express myself from this place of self-acceptance, I feel the closest to myself and this is where I feel the most authentic. In a sense, I am finding authenticity to be a relationship with myself rather than with the world. 

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